Freshly minded man: whether to build relationships

Is it possible to build a family with a man who recently divorced? Today, our expert will help to understand this difficult question.
Relationship trainer, author of the course “Family Fundamentals”, happy husband and father of two sons, Alexey Skurikhin
Alexey Skurikhin

I often receive letters from women about this question: “I meet a man, he is not yet ready for a serious relationship, but you can understand him, he recently divorced. How to incline him to a serious relationship? ”I will answer right away: no way!

Not because he is a lost person, or some girl is not so, but because the question is wrong. Why bother? Even a horse can not be forced to drink water if it does not want to drink, and even more so a person. No, they are looking for some secret manipulations (love spells, cuffs, NLP techniques), so that the horse drank.

Let's be honest

There is a well-founded opinion among the people,that a serious relationship with a divorced man can be created only in the second year of his free life, when experiences subside, pain subsides, and the person will be able to decide what he wants for himself in the future.

Why not immediately?

Because he, too, was experiencing negative, it is also not easy given to him (I don’t speak for everyone, there are exceptions), and he, perhaps, would like to immediately create something beautiful, but the abilities at this time do not allow (unless he and a specialist did not work).

So, start a relationship with a freshly divorced man only if you are ready for the relationship to fall apart within a year, that is, if you yourself do not want seriousness. And take a pause if you are not ready to trade out for a temporary relationship.

If you still do not want to wait 1−2 years until he copes with stress, and fear that he will be intercepted, then follow these rules:

1. Do not support him in the charges of the former

Complaints and whining stop, otherwise it will kill the romance between you.

2. Do not allow yourself questions about how it was and who is to blame

Let him tell you when he is ready, but at the same time keep neutrality and take into account.

3. If he has revealed to you something from his past relationships, do not demand details.

This will not play into your hands, because for a man, a woman confessor is more like a mother, and you risk receiving his childish behavior as a gift.

4. Be careful and attentive.

It often happens that after a divorce, a newly-born bachelor starts several novels at once. ⠀

5. Express criticism as constructively as possible.

Refrain from cruelty, cynicism and jealousy, it will hurt him much more painful than the usual bachelor, - and in principle, these are the concepts that are not worth adding to the family.



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