How to build a family when you or men already have children

Our relationship expert, Julia Lanske, will tell you about when other people's children become an obstacle in building their personal lives, and when they are able to give true happiness.

“Rit, I’m generally in shock ...” - he spoke in a broken voice, hiding his eyes under the sunglasses, while I did not take my eyes off the furiously pulsing vein on his neck. It was the end of summer, the weather was magical. We sat at the station, around indifferent people in a hurry somewhere.

In my hands a huge ripe pear thawed, which he treated me to. “Understand, I do not need other people's children. I need my own. Own, understand? You have been fooling me all the time, silent. And I really thought that I would have a family. In Moscow, I was already glad of everyone, only I did not have time to tell my parents ... "

Photo: Getty Images

The fragrant sticky juice of the pear slowly and disgustingly flowed into the palms. I silently held her, not knowing what to do with it further. And what do ... do next.

We stopped, probably, for ages.

- It's all? He suddenly asked.

“Yes ... I guess,” I answered quietly.

“Ok,” he got up from the bench, got into his snow-white cabriolet, which under the bright August sun seemed like a brilliant spacecraft, and abruptly darted off. Pear pounded heavily in the trash. And I never saw him again.

Julia Lanske is a certified matchmaker, a love coach, an innovation expert on building relationships with successful men.
Julia Lanske

This is not the beginning of a tearful female affair. This is the end of a long love story, the real situation in the life of one of my friends. She told me in such details in a trembling voice, although a considerable amount of time had already passed.

Rita loved him with real adult love. But the meetings dragged on, and she could not tell him about her two children. She fostered the hope that he would respond well to her little boys. But in the end she was once again alone with her children and with a shattered heart.

Are all men like that? Really nobody needs wonderful women with “baggage” / “trailer”, as some children from their first marriage cynically call?

It happens that a woman with children finds her happiness, and a young beauty cannot marry.This is because the chances of marriage depend not on the presence of children, but on how a woman feels and that she is ready to change in herself in order to marry a beloved man with a child.

When do children become an obstacle to new relationships?

The common mistake of single moms is to interfere with personal and family life. So some women put a cross on themselves and live for the good of the child. They mistakenly believe that no one is interested in anyone, and the meaning in life remains only in raising and raising up their children.

Others say: I want to find a father for a child. Not a husband for himself, but a father for children. Feel the difference?

Still others, maybe they would like to impose order on personal fronts, but they have wound themselves up that men do not like them because of the children. At the slightest disagreement in the relationship, they make a banal conclusion: well, of course, I have two children, I gave it up to him. But they do not think that, perhaps, it is they who are not working on themselves, perhaps this log in their eye has destroyed the harmony in the relationship, but not children!

How children help in choosing a potential husband

Successful men often see a woman with a child a very profitable party. There are many reasons for this.

1. There is a child - it means that it can give birth.Many women have problems with childbirth, it requires a lot of money, nerves of steel and often leads to a collapse in the relationship.

2. Most moms are mature, responsible personalities, not frivolous girls who themselves require supervision.

3. The fact that a man married a woman with a child elevates him in his own eyes.

4. A man will feel the gratitude of a woman for caring for her and the child.

5. Having found a beloved woman with children, a man in one step finds a full-fledged family!

Photo: Getty Images

"Meet the children, this is your new ..." How to introduce children and a man and what is important to consider

If you are lucky enough to meet a man, but you have not yet reported on your little handsome men waiting for you at home, remember that this should be done as gently and carefully as possible so as not to repeat the story of Rita.

How to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts when meeting

1. Cook both sides gently, not only because of the fear that a man will "merge." For children, it can be both joy and stress. They have already experienced the loss of their father and can sincerely become attached to a new man. Imagine their grief, if suddenly your relationship ends?

2. Discuss less privacy with children.First, imagine a man as a friend, so you will not wake up in a child a feeling of anger, jealousy and protest. So it will be easier for your man to find a common language with the child without fear of a negative reaction.

3. Consider the age of children. Small children do not need to immediately represent a man. They may be worried: maybe this uncle will be a new dad; or think he is taking their mom. Older children may realize that a mother should be happy.

A man accepting a woman with children is resolute and not afraid of difficulties, because he really wants a family! And a family with such a person will be much stronger and happier.

Photo: Getty Images

Stepmother or second mom? When your chosen one already has children

It happens that a man from his first marriage had children. Here, of course, your personal attitude to this plays a big role. And yet I can not resist, to tell the main advantages of such a candidate for a husband.

1. Such a man clearly understands the importance of a full-fledged family for his children, and therefore does not count on easy intrigues.

2. He is looking for a woman - a wife who can become a mother for his crumbs. Which will be able to create comfort at home and find a common language with his children.And if he sees this in you, then he will never let go.

3. He has already been in the role of a husband and father, has an idea of ​​what the family is and what it is eaten with: life, responsibility, difficulties encountered and ways to solve them.

The fact that the children stayed with him speaks of his best qualities as a father and family man. He loves children, understands and knows how to take care of them. What is not the father for your children?

Children are not luggage and trailer at all. These are truly flowers of life, and it does not matter whether they are grown on your flower bed or someone else’s. Willingness to build relationships with a woman and a child is a kind of test for the moral maturity of a man. The one who is afraid of this, in fact, is still a boy himself.

If you have a child or children from past relationships, have them help you find the best man, husband and father! Perhaps, purely arithmetically, you will have fewer fans and options, but all the candidates will definitely be worthy.

What men are looking for a woman with a child, find out from this video.

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