How to Stop Loving a Girl Who Can't Be Loved
Us guys know how it goes...we've all met the perfect girl who we've felt compatibility and excitement with; a bond like no other...everything seems to click in a way that's too good to be true. If only the two of you had each other to rely on; if only the love you see beneath the surface became a daily reality the world would be a better place. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that no matter how much you love someone; there are just some people who cannot be loved. In the following steps I'll tell you the best way to stop your heart from beating out of control for a person that is incapable of receiving real love.
Realize it's not your fault if someone doesn't love you.If your direct actions have changed their mind about your love, then you've got some self-explaining to do. But if it's just a matter of attraction or chemistry it can't really be nit-picked. When it comes to a person who's so out of touch with romance that they cannot or will not allow themselves to be loved; it's a different animal completely. Behold.
Ponder the fact that most people who can't be loved have psychological and or emotional problems revolving around commitment and furthering interpersonal relationships.This can be due to a chemical imbalance; a traumatic event such as but not limited to rape, abandonment, dishonesty, physical / psychological violence etc. They are in a self-preservation mode and it's not that they don't want to love you, but they cannot accept the fact that you have the best intentions for them and their heart. A lot of these people will get into relationships and romances only to sabotage them at a later date when they feel they are losing a grip on things / becoming sucked into something where they feel helpless.
You should limit the amount of time you see them to stop your feelings from running wild for this person.If you work together, this isn't going to be easy and a physical approach to the problem will be ineffective. In addition to limiting proximity, set boundaries for how you let them move about in your life. Don't let them spend the night with you anymore; cut the sex out of the equation (this is the hardest one to do); maybe you'll want to skip those daily lunches or little walks around the block. The point is that you want to wean your mind and body off of the person who's affecting your well-being.
Communication.It does you no good to spend less or no time with Ms. or Mr. X if you're talking on the phone or computer with them 24-7. Cut that stuff out too. Your friendship is going to suffer, but you have to make necessary sacrifices if you want to reel in your heart.
Try to forget keep-sakes and memories.Trying to forget a love interest? Chances are the photo of you and that special person at the beach or bar together isn't going to do anything but remind you of how special they were to you. If you have the guts, burn the picture. If you want to keep it for sentimental value, do so. You might even think of giving it to the other person in the photo, explaining that you want them to have something to remember the fun times. Whatever you do...don't have it propped up on your desk or night-stand. Also get rid of that darn computer file with their name on it...you'll know the pictures are there and your mind isn't going to let you forget. Same goes with the my space, emails, and SMS / phone videos and photos. Get rid of all of that stuff.
The hardest part of falling out-of-love with this person is that they're probably not going to want you to go.Rather their reasons for being with you are purely selfish or it's just a matter of ignorance on their part - they won't want to let go of someone who's in their life. This is the part where you have to confess your feelings to them...otherwise you just look like a jerk. After you tell them you had (emphasis on the HAD) feelings for them; explain that since they're not reciprocating that you've got to move on for your own mental health.
Find a support group so you don't spend too much time in the same circle of friends.Explain to the friends you trust that you're trying to get this person out of your heart / head and you could use the help / swift kick in the bottom if you attempt to win them back.
Do your best not to stray.You'll look weak and you'll find after much heart-ache and pain that you're right back where you started.
- Just because girl or guy A isn't coming on to you like a freight train doesn't give you an excuse to say they "can't feel love"...you need to be as honest with them as you want them to be with you and explain your heart. Then you'll know where the two of you stand...and you can adjust fire from there.
- If you're intimate with this person, do not let her or him back in the house unless you have a friend with you. Lock your door if that person absolutely MUST sleep over and make sure they are on the OTHER side of it when you do so. Girls are notorious for ambushing a man in his bed if they think they are losing him...the sex will be unreal but so will the headache when you find out you're back in love with a girl who's never going to return your feelings.
- If you know she or he goes to Starbucks for a latte every morning at 9 AM, do yourself a favor and DON'T be there at 9 AM...or 9:10 AM...you get the picture. Avoid known hangouts and friends of this person so you can minimize your contact / exposure to them and their charms.
- Stay strong. The person you're trying to get away from will likely try to keep you from going.
- Don't drunk dial. It makes you look weak; and you'll say things you regret.
- Make sure it's the girl who can't be loved not you before blaming it all on her.
- Don't gossip about the person.
- Don't compromise your dignity / integrity.
- Don't date their best friend, sister, brother, ex, etc.
Video: 5 Steps to Stop Loving Someone who doesn't love you - animated
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