Return yourself to yourself: how to get out of dependent relationships

If you increasingly feel unhappy and depressed or think in categories “I can’t live without him,” then this article is for you.
What are dangerous dependency relationships and how to get away with the least loss, will tell the psychologist and coach Dmitry Esner.
Dmitry Esner

For a start, it is worth understanding what the dependent relationship is. In them, one of the partners becomes a victim and is subjected to violence - physical or emotional. And if everything is clear with the physical, then psychological violence is sometimes very cleverly hidden under the masks of pseudo-care and love.

There are 5 most common manifestations of psychological nacile:rejection, insult, depreciation, reproaches and control.

If, before meeting with a man, you went to samba classes on Thursdays, and now you don’t remember where the subscription lies, you should think about it. If a man wants to stop communicating with his best friend, and you obediently agree, you are at risk. He is resting with friends, and at this time you are suffering at home and do not know what to do until he arrives, it's time to run.Unfortunately, many still do not dare to leave the exhausting relationship, and this ends tragically. However, there are several ways to regain freedom. This, of course, is not about clinical cases, when the victim is kept in the basement or tortured daily.

Photo: Getty Images

Stop idealizing partner

Alas, this is the most difficult. The fact is that many people in dependent relationships prefer to live in an illusory world. They justify any antics partner. Beats mean loves; changes, but returns, it means that I am better than others; likes to drink - relieves stress. It is difficult to get out of such self-deception. Therefore, the first step to exit from a dependent relationship is the realization that you are uncomfortable with a person and you do not want to continue to be around.

Start reclaiming yourself

Paradoxically as it may sound. Try to resume the forgotten hobby, go for a walk alone, and not with a partner. Allocate time for yourself and do not allow your partner to encroach on him. You must have personal interests that will mean to you as much as a partner.

Prepare ways to retreat

Of course, if the situation is critical, then you should just collect things and leave. However, in fact, decide on a sharp gap can be very difficult.That is why it will always be easier to close the door if there is a strong rear behind your back. Find a job if you depend on a man financially. Think about where you will live if you are now on its territory.

Expand your social circle

Meet new people, try to build relationships with those with whom you stopped communicating because of your partner. It is very important to stop being isolated and get support from other people. You can consult with a psychologist, not to be left alone with his problem.

Leaving - leave

Stop all contacts if possible. Or at least keep them to a minimum. The fact is that the tyrant, as a rule, will try to return the victim. Bullying or promising a new happy life. According to statistics, almost all victims of domestic violence were subjected to him more than once, but they forgave their partner in the hope that he would change. If we are talking about threats to life and health, it is necessary to find serious support and protection, at least for the first time, until the passions subside.

And finally, don't get stuck in the past.

After the break, try to fully take your time, so that there is no temptation to follow the former in social networks and to wash with burning tears. And give yourself time to recover from an exhausting relationship.If possible, go on vacation or at least daily rejoice and indulge your beloved one. You deserve it.

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