Rules of communication with a former loved one
Sometimes love ends, and that's fine. But how to build communication with a former loved one after parting? If until the relationship does not develop, it will help to understand all some tips and advice.
How to build communication?
How to communicate with a former guy? At first glance it may seem that to build communication is easy, because you can simply “go with the flow” and act on the situation. But some of the events and actions of the ex-lover can knock out and take by surprise, so you should be fully armed and ready for anything.
There are several options for the development of further communication after the breakup, and each should be considered separately and in detail.
Option One: the enemies forever
If you broke up with the scandal and do not want to see the ex-boyfriend, then he will automatically become your enemy. Sometimes such an option is the only possible one, and it has both advantages and disadvantages.
It is worth starting with the pros.You will not have to be nervous and hold back your emotions, you will not try to avoid contacts or think about how to build communication. And what's the difference, what happens if the relationship ends?
Cons, too. First, you have to try to avoid meetings, because they can cause discomfort or even pain. Secondly, the ex-partner can put on the public display all the "ins and outs" of your relationship, or start you revenge.
Option Two: Friendship
Was the relationship breakdown mutual and peaceful? Then you should try to preserve friendship, or at least friendly relations, if both partners want it. But in this case it is worth weighing the pros and cons.
Let's start with the pros: you do not need to be nervous and avoid meetings, you can find a loved one or friend in the person of a former lover, do not have to share anything.
Cons are also available. First of all, a new guy can be against your communication with the former. In addition, friendships can be disturbed by memories of love or resentment. And if one of the partners again flashes feelings, it will not be easy for both.
Option Three: Neutrality
And not friends, and not enemies.Such a policy is quite appropriate if the former partners can hold back emotions and do not conceal resentment at each other, but at the same time, they simply don’t see any sense in further communication.
First, the pros. You will not have to avoid meetings or be nervous about them, and communication will not hurt anyone and will not give vain hopes.
And cons. If one person has feelings, then he may suffer from such “cold” and detached communication. In addition, it will be difficult to maintain neutrality if it is difficult to restrain emotions.
Option Four: no contacts
If you do not want to communicate with the former, but do not want to find the enemy in his person, then it makes sense to stop any contact. How will this help you? First, you will get rid of the stimulus and will not experience negative emotions associated with it. Secondly, you do not have to explain anything.
The main disadvantage is that unavoidable or accidental contact with the former can be a real stress for you. In addition, it is necessary to make efforts to avoid such meetings.
What to consider when choosing a communication model?
To select the right and most appropriate communication model, you should consider several important factors:
- Do you have a common child? If he is, then the former spouse will surely show a desire to see him, which means that contacts cannot be avoided. And in this case, you should make them as calm as possible to avoid conflicts and stress.
- Common property is also associated with a lot of problems and unavoidable contacts.
- Chance of meeting. If after leaving the guy went to another city, then you will not see him, and this is a big plus, since there is no need for communication (of course, if you do not decide to make or receive a phone call). And if the former partner lives in the same staircase with you, then meetings, even if random, are almost inevitable.
- The reason for parting. If you were the initiator of the breakup of relations, then the guy who is offended at you probably will not want to communicate. And this is in your favor, because, in fact, everything will be decided without your participation. And if you split up because of partner treason, then further contact with him will hurt you or cause aggression, so meetings should be avoided.
- Feelings. If at least one of the partners still has feelings for another, then the best way to suppress them and not to suffer once again is to limit or completely stop communication, as it will hurt a loving person and cause severe discomfort to his beloved.
- What kind of person is this? If he has a bad character, and you can not call him good, then for your own sake you should avoid contact with him, nerves are more expensive. And if the former guy is just a “sweetheart”, a good friend and a man with a capital letter, then communication with him will not harm and may even be useful.
- New relationship. If you have a new love, then ask the opinion of a partner. If he is categorically against any of your connections with the ex-boyfriend, and you treasure the present union, then it is better to avoid communication. If the new boyfriend is loyal or neutral about the situation, then the decision will be yours.
Finally, some useful recommendations:
- First of all, you should understand yourself and find out how much communication with the former is necessary, whether it is possible at all. Imagine different situations and your emotions, consider the options.
- Understand what the ex-partner wants. If he seeks to maintain normal relations, then they are quite possible. If he plans to return you, and you do not want this at all, then avoid contact.
- If you do not know how to behave and what to expect from a former lover, then take a position of neutrality and assess the situation. But think soberly!
- Do not rush to come closer and open the soul. Alertness and suspicion will not be superfluous, especially at first. If the guy manages to gain confidence, then you can relax.
- If you decide not to communicate with the former young man, but still have feelings for him, then you should avoid contact with your friends and his friends, acquaintances and relatives.
Let communication with the former young man be pleasant or at least harmless for both of you!
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