Why is it so hard for us to play with our children?
Many mothers will understand me: sometimes it's very, very difficult to play with a child in one room. And to recognize this fact and try to do something, it took me a year. A typical week of our life with a child looks like this: I am at work, he is in the garden, in the morning - half an hour of cartoons and fees, in the evening - an exhausting game or walk. By the weekend, the situation is aggravated: a few days ahead, without the usual business, only domestic. Inspiration disappears, reinforcement is sought - grandmothers, friends with children or a cafe with children's rooms. All these feelings - that it's hard for me to play with the three-year plan is a terribly sad story.
Who would like to admit to themselves in this? The point is not that I do not feel love, on the contrary. I just can not give you something very important and, it seems, finally found out why. After reflecting on my feelings and talking to a psychologist, I realized that these symptoms happen to us because of the inability to get involved in the child.
We cover up this inability with the phone, thoughts about cooking, cleaning - in general, we resist with all our might. But the fact that many of us communicated with our parents in this way: we ate, slept, checked our lessons - and that was all - does not mean that we cannot learn something more with our children.
It is believed that fifteen minutes, qualitatively held together, is very much and important for both. What is quality communication? Involvement But in order for it to take place, it is extremely important to hear yourself from the beginning. Further, however, you can be horrified to find that it is no less difficult with yourself, and this is where urgent measures need to be taken.
First, give up the idea of being the ideal parent. This is the one that easily plays with the child, elementarily resolves conflicts, an example of moms and dads on any playground. Your feeling of guilt is not going anywhere either for the phone or for washing the dishes, so you will have to meet with this emotion. As with painful self-esteem, in the end, to understand: to be imperfect is the norm. Finally, accept this fact. Secondly, it would be good to learn how to call your feelings. Aware of mistakes: a sharp tone, lack of fun, ignoring a child. The more often and clearly call things by their names, the easier it is to reflect on them and not to repeat again.It is much more effective to say to myself: "I now ignore the needs of my baby" than give it to a baby sitter and in his spare time to sit in the phone.
As soon as you learn to hear yourself, you will easily begin to contact the child. Sometimes you don’t need any specially made up activities, just go to him, look him in the eye and ask: how are you? Usually, further, in an environmentally friendly, healthy environment, classes are formed by themselves, and no matter what it is - skating cars, stacking dolls, drawing
Imagine yourself small: in front of you the parent is sitting and anxiously fusses on the phone, now somehow else. Like? No. No one likes insincerity - it’s better not to contact at all than to communicate in a formal and meaningless way.
Try to play with your child with interest - you will see how his eyes light up. Of course, children's games are inherently boring for adults. Try to interest yourself. Use the game as a way of knowing the nature and thinking of your child - when, if not in these moments, you can understand that he loves or does not love. His whole world, touchingly naive and immediate, remains in kindergarten, and we lose sight of him.And even if at the weekend your desires and interests overlap.
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